Fridge Magnet Poem #1

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Fridge Magnet Poem #1

This is a poem I made with somebody’s fridge magnets back in 2021. I didn’t really think anything of it but that somebody did and they also added a description of me, which in turn made me think something of it and myself for a while, and I’m grateful for that. Thank you to that somebody if you ever read this.

Think big.
Play it
with a
glitter spring.

Exceed the
arrow when
it is time.

My bright & endless fire,
if flames lie in the silken sky,

would
sunshine
ask
why?

by
truly dark
& odd

who senses the soft pulse in the world.

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A father's hug

I've been blessed to know what a hug from a mother is. I've been blessed to give my mother a hug. I've been blessed to have had those so many times that I can remember what they're like. I try to be very grateful for that, because it's not a thing to be taken for granted. I don't know what it's like from our to a father, or can't remember it at least. I think it'd be nice if I could remember what a hug from my dad would be like, but I can't. I think it'd be nice if I could remember what a hug to my dad would be like, but I can't. I I don't think it felt like there was a love there for it to happen either way. But maybe there was, and I just never gave him a chance. I hope one of us, his children, at least did. I'm sorry that I didn't.

Should We Be Using "They" When Referring to Allah in English Translations of the Qur'an?

UPDATE: Just to clarify this is something I'm still researching and not a conclusive post or anything, so please don't use it as the basis for any arguments or opinions on the topics at hand.

Just a relatively quick one here (so could probably do with more refining and double-checking before publishing than usual), but something I’ve been wondering about since I was a kid: why do we refer to Allah as “He” in English, especially since one of the earliest things I was taught about Allah, as a child, is that “He” is singular and not like humans, including having no gender? Would it not be more accurate to use “They”?

The first and earliest explanation given to me was what I, with the blessing of learning and hindsight, believe to be an innocent yet misguided one - that “He” is masculine and indicates the might and grandeur of Allah (I’m paraphrasing here as I can’t remember word for word what was said about three decades ago, admittedly). In any case, it seemed odd to me that the Qur’an apparently uses the singular “He” for third-person referrals but the plural and ‘royal’ “We” for first-person referrals. Why isn’t/wasn’t “They” an option?

Fast-forward to recent years and to cut a long blog-post short: this is an apparent issue of translating Arabic into English as well as conflating grammatical gender with biological gender. Classical/”Qur’anic” Arabic doesn’t have gender-neutral pronouns, and so neutral terms default to “masculine” articles (like they do in Spanish, for example). That is to say that it’s not necessarily an ‘active’ or ‘conscious’ decision to use “He” in these cases and apply masculinity to them, whereas applying “She” often (but not always!) seems to be since it often seems to be done as a conscious reaction to the default.

This leads to questions and discussions about the default itself being masculine with the resultant “He”, and one of the conclusions of those is that, since English is a genderless language (i.e. we use the same articles for all nouns), gendered pronouns are regarded as an indication of biological gender and nothing to do with grammatical gender or artifacts of them from translation. This all may sound obvious to those used to ‘just’ English but it’s really important to consider when referring to translated texts that use grammatical gender (additionally, this may sound obvious to those used to translating between languages). This conflation - of grammatical gender with biological gender - can have massive implications and consequences in a social context, of course e.g. people may start incorrectly thinking of Allah as masculine in the biological human sense and then base incredibly incorrect opinions and arguments off of that, whether it’s “Allah is masculine therefore males are superior”, “How comes God in Islam is also masculine?”, or anything of the sort. And this conflation and consequences predominantly seem to come from issues in dealing with translations of the Qur’an and treating them - incorrectly - as comprehensive and complete reflections of the original language of the Qur’an. They very much aren’t and are subject to all the usual biases, errors, and misinterpretations found in translation, so we need to account for those before basing any strongly-held beliefs based on those translations alone (there’s always more learning to do, and that’s not a bad thing!).

Having said all of this, in today’s social climate where, especially in “the West”, switching to gender-neutral pronouns is a very sensitive, loaded, and seemingly trending topic, so any changes made around pronouns and articles used for Allah in English translations are likely to be perceived as reactionary to such social trends and consequently dismissed and rejected. Those changes need to be genuine, sincere, and ultimately clear, in there purpose and motivation so they can be regarded as such i.e. they need to be about presenting more authentic and accurate translations, rather than as a reaction to appease.

My point being, I think referring to Allah as “They” would be more accurate (and consistent with the royal “We”) to use rather than “He”, as it doesn’t suggest any biological gender associated with Allah to the audience, yet this also needs to be regarded and recognised as being independent from gender-identity and discussions surrounding that.

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"Done" is better than "Perfect"

Hello there! Going to try a couple of new approaches going forward with my blogging:

  1. Markdown/Notebook style - no idea how feasible this'll be in Squarespace where my blog (and site in general) is currently hosted, but let's see.
  2. "Done is better than Perfect." - I get way too fixated on trying to complete things, blog posts included, to my idea of "perfect" for those things, which is rarely achievable, and then things don't get finished (and blog posts just live in 'draft hell'). So I'm trying to do things to some objective definition of 'done' and then do follow up posts if needs be.

One of the things with Markdown that I'm hoping to do here is use the collapsible sections, so here's some dummy text to see if it works or not:

Dummy [supposedly] collapsible text, click me to expand. This is the detailed text, which isn't that detailed. EDIT: Aha, it seems to work, woo, but the little dropdown arrow that indicates a collapsible/expandable block doesn't seem to render (at least in my current environment).

Anywho, that's me "done" with this post!

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Double-life

One half-life ago today was meant to be when I 'offed' myself (read: suicide). Not sure how I feel about being here still :/ Ups and downs. For whoever's reading this, I hope you're okay at least, and things improve for you and continue to do so.

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Time For An Update? Implementing the "Personal Boundaries" Feature

I haven’t really written here in quite a while (though that’s not exactly new…), but also haven’t felt up for it in some ways for various reasons. As in, there’s still so much I want to ‘get out’ (be it through writing on here or even possibly trying out just recording myself as that seems quicker in some ways…), so that drive hasn’t gone, but it’s more that I feel both burnt out as well as overwhelmed at the prospect of trying to express myself in a way that I’d consider “comprehensive” and “complete” - it feels like it’ll never be possible to get it all done the first time around. Regarding the “burnt out” feeling - I’m pretty sure the main component of that came from quitting my PhD, and all that went/happened with it, as the PhD was/is a big deal to me…maybe I’ll write up more about what happened during the PhD as well as why it impacts/impacted me so much at some point, but not now. Anywho, I’ve set myself a target to post at least once a month, and with about an hour to go (at the time of writing) before the end of the calendar month, here we are :D

I’m deliberately trying to keep this one short and with possibly too little detail (as opposed to too much) as that’s something else I think/feel I need to improve on, but we’ll see. What I wanted to talk about, briefly, is that I’ve been wondering - for quite a few years, actually - about whether a ‘version update’ is due. What I mean by this is (and I may or may not have talked about this previously) that I think the notion of looking at the universe as a software simulation is a fairly apt analogy at the very least, and that includes ourselves as individuals. We may be like software programs that go through various breaks, patches, and updates.

And so I’d say I’ve been sitting on “Ridwan 2.x.x” since I was about fourteen years old, updating it here and there, and I’d say that version’s doing fairly well to be fair, in terms of getting me through various events and circumstances in Life, even now to be frank. However, 2.x.x was largely built on the notion of me being worth less than everybody else and ‘excessively expendable’ (which soon led to the notion that suicide is the best course of action for me and is something that has stayed with me ever since, pretty much), and this is something I tell myself is no longer the case, but is still very much a part of me that I feel, frankly speaking. As such, I’m umm-ing and ahh-ing over whether it’s time for “Ridwan 3.x.x”, as I can’t help but feel this’d be done more for the sake of releasing an update rather than there actually being some ‘major software update’ =/ Though, on the flip-side, it may be that I’m deliberately holding myself back from an update I’ve been denying myself for some time: personal boundaries - specifically having mine acknowledged and adhered to. I think I’ve let my boundaries be crossed a lot because I’ve regarded myself as less than is fair/reasonable, and consequently in many cases with many people I’ve either enabled them to take advantage of me, or I’ve not stood my ground/fought back within what is arguably right/just even if I do object. And the thing with implementing this ‘feature’ is that, whilst it doesn’t change that much of my ‘inner software content’, I imagine it significantly changes a lot of the ‘endpoints’ - how I interact with others and allow myself to be interacted with, which in turn may have huge impacts (or not, of course) on both my existing and future relationships, be they of a personal/social or professional nature.

In any case, whether this is a further update to “Ridwan 2.x.x” or the release of “Ridwan 3.x.x”, I think it’s time I implement a stricter sense of having my boundaries acknowledged/respected and adhered to.

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